All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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