I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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