I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
