he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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