So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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