i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
