If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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