wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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