They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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