Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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