Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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