my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
