Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
