she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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