Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
