You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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