it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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