just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
