yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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