Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
