be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
