um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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