Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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