I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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