you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can text with my tongue
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
