i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize