tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
