What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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