Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
