Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
