somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's blow job season.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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