Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize