just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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