Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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