Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
