went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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