Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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