I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
