...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
where are you?
Hypothermia
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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