I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
