We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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