sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
