rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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