Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
