I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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