using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
