i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
