Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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