i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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