I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
