I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
