She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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