She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
