Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
