i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
