I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
