I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
