my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
