hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I won the penis lottery.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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