i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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