You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
