What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have fence marks all over my body
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He has the fingertips of a God
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