the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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