Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
