if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just forgot I was standing up.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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