That's intense
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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