He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
