you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
