he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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