ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
