I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
