sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
