He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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