i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We got so high we made milksteak
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
