Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
