Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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