happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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